The "real" media is chiding Cardinals fans for failing to embrace Troy Glaus despite his newly hot bat (ha! hot bat) and more-than-respectable fielding percentage. But I think it's important that we set aside the statistics and acknowledge what we all know in our hearts: Glaus is a raging douche. Some evidence:
- When a playable ball flies past Glaus and drops for a base hit, he adopts a limp-armed stance and vacant stare ala Daria Morgendorffer on the volleyball court.
- Allergic conjunctivitis that strikes only during evening home games in April? Are you kidding me with this?
- [(casually unbuttoned jersey+man necklace+Oakleys) x (irritating batting ritual at plate)] / haunting memories of former glory days = douche bag.
Plus, dude looks like Bruce Campbell. That shit ain't right.